"Flowers
for Algernon"
By: Daniel Keyes
progris
riport 1—martch 5, 1965
Dr.
Strauss says I shud rite down what I think and evrey thing that happins to me
from now on. I dont know why but he says its importint so they will see if they
will use me. I hope they use me. Miss Kinnian says maybe they can make me smart.
I want to be smart. My name is Charlie Gordon. I am 37 years old and 2 weeks ago
was my birthday. I have nuthing more to rite now so I will close for today.
progris
riport 2—martch 6
I
had a test today. I think I faled it. and I think that maybe now they wont use
me. What happind is a nice young man was in the room and he had some white cards
with ink spilled all over them. He sed Charlie what do you see on this card. I
was very skared even tho I had my rabits foot in my pockit because when I was a
kid I always faled tests in school and I spilled ink to.
I
told him I saw a inkblot. He said yes and it made me feel good. I thot that was
all but when I got up to go he stopped me. He said now sit down Charlie we are
not thru yet. Then I dont remember so good but he wantid me to say what was in
the ink. I dint see nuthing in the ink but he said there was picturs there other
pepul saw some picturs. I coudnt see any picturs. I reely tryed to see. I held
the card close up and then far away. Then I said if I had my glases I coud see
better I usally only ware my glases in the movies or TV but I said they are in
the closit in the hall. I got them. Then I said let me see that card agen I bet
Ill find it now.
I
tryed hard but I still coudnt find the picturs I only saw the ink. I told him
maybe I need new glases. He rote somthing down on a paper and I got skared of
faling the test. I told him it was a very nice inkblot with littel points al
around the eges. He looked very sad so that wasnt it. I said please let me try
agen. Ill get it in a few minits becaus Im not so fast somthnes. Im a slow
reeder too in Miss Kinnians class for slow adults but I’m trying very hard.
He
gave me a chance with another card that had 2 kinds of ink spilled on it red and
blue.
He
was very nice and talked slow like Miss Kinnian does and he explaned it to me
that it was a raw shok. He said pepul see things in the ink. I said show
me where. He said think. I told him I think a inkblot but that wasnt rite eather.
He said what does it remind you—pretend something. I closd my eyes for a long
time to pretend. I told him I pretned a fowntan pen with ink leeking all over a
table cloth. Then be got up and went out.
I
dont think I passd the raw shok test.
progris
report 3—martch 7
Dr
Strauss and Dr Nemur say it dont matter about the inkblots. I told them I dint
spill the ink on the cards and I coudnt see anything in the ink. They said that
maybe they will still use me. I said Miss Kinnian never gave me tests like that
one only spelling and reading. They said Miss Kinnian told that I was her
bestist pupil in the adult nite scool becaus I tryed the hardist and I reely
wantid to lern. They said how come you went to the adult nite scool all by
yourself Charlie. How did you find it. I said I askd pepul and sunibody told me
where I shud go to lern to read and spell good. They said why did you want to. I
told them becaus all my life I wantid to be smart and not dumb. But its very
hard to be smart. They said you know it will probly be tempirery. I said yes.
Miss Kinnian told me. I dont care if it herts.
Later
I had more crazy tests today. The nice lady who gave it me told me the name and
I asked her how do you spellit so I can rite it in my progris riport. THEMATIC
APPERCEPTION TEST. I dont know the fist 2 words but I know what test means. You
got to pass it or you get bad marks. This test lookd easy becaus I coud see the
picturs. Only this time she dint want me to tell her the picturs. That mixd me
up. I said the man yesterday said I shoud tell him what I saw in the ink she
said that dont make no difrence. She said make up storys about the pepul in the
picturs.
I
told her how can you tell storys about pepul you never met. I said why shud I
make up lies. I never tell lies any more becaus I always get caut.
She
told me this test and the other one the raw-shok was for getting personally. I
laffed so hard. I said how can you get that thing from inkblots and fotos. She
got sore and put her picturs away. I dont care. It was sily. I gess I faled that
test too.
Later
some men in white coats took me to a difernt part of the hospitil and gave me
a game to play. It was like a race with a white mouse. They called the mouse
Algemon. Algernon was in a box with a lot of twists and turns like all kinds of
walls and they gave me a pencil and a paper with lines and lots of boxes. On one
side it said START and on the other end it said FINISH. They said it was amazed
and that Algernon and me had the same amazed to do. I dint see how we
could have the same amazed if Algemon had a box and I had a paper but I
dint say nothing. Anyway there wasnt time because the race started.
One
of the men had a watch he was trying to hide so I woudnt see it so I tryed not
to look and that made me nervus.
Anyway
that test made me feel worser than all the others because they did it over 10
times with difernt amazeds and Algernon won every time. I dint know that
mice were so smart. Maybe thats because Algernon is a white mouse. Maybe white
mice are smarter then other mice.
progris
riport 4—Mar 8
Their
going to use me! Tm so exited I can hardly write. Dr Nemur and Dr Strauss had a
argament about it first. Dr Nemur was in the office when Dr Strauss brot me in.
Dr Nemur was worryed about using me but Dr Strauss told him Miss Kinnian
rekemmended me the best from all the people who she was teaching. I like Miss
Kirmian becaus shes a very smart teacher. And she said Charlie your going to
have a second chance. If you volenteer for this experament you mite get smart.
They dont know if it will be perminint but theirs a chance. Thats why I said ok
even when I was scared because she said it was an operashun. She said dont be
scared Charlie you done so much with so little I think you deserv it most of
all.
So
I got scaird when Dr Nemur and Dr Strauss argud about it. Dr Strauss said I had
something that was very good. He said I had a good motorvation. I never
even knew I had that. I felt proud when he said that not every body with an
eye-q of 68 had that thing. I dont know what it is or where I got it but he said
Algemon had it too. Algernons motorvation is the cheese they put in his
box. But it cant be that because I didnt eat any cheese this week.
Then
he told Dr Nemur something I dint understand so while they were talking I wrote
down some of the words.
He
said Dr Nemur I know Charlie is not what you had in mind as the first of your
new brede of intelek** (coudnt get the word) superman. But most people of his
low menta** are host** and uncoop** they are usualy dull apath** and hard to
reach. He has a good natcher hes intristed and eager to please.
Dr
Nemur said remember he will be the first human beeng ever to have his
intelijence trippled by surgicle meens.
Dr
Strauss said exakly. Look at how well hes lerned to read and write for his low
mentel age its as grate an acheve** as you and I lerning einstines therey of
**vity without help. That shows the intenss motorvation. Its comparat** a tremen**
achev** I say we use Charlie.
I
dint get all the words and they were talking to fast but it sounded like Dr.
Strauss was on my side and like the other one wasnt.
Then
Dr Nemur nodded he said all right maybe your right. We will use Charlie. When he
said that I got so exited I jumped up and shook his hand for being so good to
me. I told him thank you doc you wont be sorry for giving me a second chance.
And I mean it like I told him. After the operashun Tm gonna try to be smart. Tm
gonna try awful hard.
progris
ript 5—Mar 10
Im
skared. Lots of people who work here and the nurses and the people who gave me
the tests came to bring me candy and wish me luck. I hope I have luck. I got my
rabits foot and my lucky penny and my horse shoe. Only a black cat crossed me
when I was comming to the hospitil. Dr Strauss says dont be supersitis Charlie
this is sience. Anyway Im keeping my rabits foot with me.
I
asked Dr Strauss if Ill beat Algernon in the race after the operashun and he
said maybe. If the operashun works Ill show that mouse I can be as smart as he
is. Maybe smarter. Then Ill be abel to read better and spell the words good and
know lots of things and be like other people. I want to be smart like other
people. If it works perminint they will make everybody smart all over the
wurid.
They
dint give me anything to eat this morning. I dont know what that eating has to
do with getting smart. Tm very hungry and Dr Nemur took away my box of candy.
That Dr Nemur is a grouch. Dr Strauss says I can have it back after the
operashun. You cant eat befor a operashun...
Progress
Report 6—Mar 15
The
operashun dint hurt. He did it while I was sleeping. They took off the bandijis
from my eyes and my head today so I can make a PROGRESS REPORT. Dr Nemur who
looked at some of my other ones says I spell PROGRESS wrong and he told me how
to spell it and REPORT too. I got to try and remember that.
I
have a very bad memary for spelling. Dr Strauss says its ok to tell about all
the things that happin to me but he says I shoud tell more about what I feel and
what I think. When I told him I dont know how to think he said try. All the time
when the bandijis were on my eyes I tryed to think. Nothing happened. I dont
know what to think about. Maybe if I ask him he will tell me how I can think now
that Im suppose to get smart. What do smart people think about. Fancy things I
suppose. I wish I knew some fancy things alredy.
Progress
Report 7—mar 19
Nothing
is happining. I had lots of tests and different kinds of races with Algemon. I
hate that mouse. He always beats me. Dr Strauss said I got to play those games.
And he said some time I got to take those tests over again. Thse inkblots are
stupid. And those pictures are stupid too. I like to draw a picture of a man and
a woman but I wont make up lies about people.
I
got a headache from trying to think so much. I thot Dr Strauss was my fend but
he dont help me. He dont tell me what to think or when Ill get smart. Miss
Kinnian dint come to see me. I think writing these progress reports are stupid
too.
Progress
Report 8—Mar 23
Im
going back to work at the factery. They said it was better I shud go back to
work but I cant tell anyone what the operashun was for and I have to come to the
hospitil for an hour evry night after work. They are gonna pay me mony every
month for lerning to be smart.
Im
glad Im going back to work because I miss my job and all my fends and all the
fun we have there.
Dr
Strauss says I shud keep writing things down but I dont have to do it every day
just when I think of something or something speshul happins. He says dont get
discoridged because it takes time and it happins slow. He says it took a long
time with Algemon before he got 3 times smarter than he was before. Thats why
Algemon beats me all the time because he had that operashun too. That makes me
feel better. I coud probly do that amazed faster than a reglar mouse.
Maybe some day Ill beat Algemon. Boy that would be something. So far Algemon
looks like he mite be smart perminent.
Mar
25—(I dont have to write
PROGRESS REPORT on top any more just when I hand it in once a week for Dr Nemur
to read. I just have to put the date on. That saves time)
We
had a lot of fun at the factery today. Joe Carp said hey look where Charlie had
his operashun what did they do Charlie put some brains in. I was going to tell
him but I remembered Dr Strauss said no. Then Frank Reffly said what did you do
Charlie forget your key and open your door the hard way. That made me laff.
Their really my friends and they like me.
Sometimes
somebody will say hey look at Joe or Frank or George he really pulled a Charlie
Gordon. I dont know why they say that but they always laff. This morning Amos
Borg who is the 4 man at Donnegans used my name when he shouted at Ernie the
office boy. Ernie lost a packige. He said Ernie for godsake what are you trying
to be a Charlie Gordon. I dont understand why he said that. I never lost any
packiges.
Mar
28—Dr Strauss came to my
room tonight to see why I dint come in like I was suppose to. I told him I dont
like to race with Algernon any more. He said I dont have to for a while but I
shud come in. He had a present for me only it wasnt a present but just for lend.
I thot it was a little television but it wasnt. He said I got to turn it on when
I go to sleep. I said your kidding why shud I turn it on when Im going to sleep.
Who ever herd of a thing like that. But he said if I want to get smart I got to
do what he says. I told him I dint think I was going to get smart and he put his
hand on my sholder and said Charlie you dont know it yet but your getting
smarter all the time. You wont notice for a while. I think he was just being
nice to make me feel good because I dont look any smarter.
Oh
yes I almost forgot. I asked him when I can go back to the class at Miss
Kinnians school. He said I wont go their. He said that soon Miss Kinnian will
come to the hospitil to start and teach me speshul. I was mad at her for not
comming to see me when I got the operashun but I like her so maybe we will be
frends again.
Mar
29—That crazy TV kept me
up all night. How can I sleep with something yelling crazy things all night in
my ears. And the nutty pictures. Wow. I dont know what it says when Tm up so
how am I going to know when Tm sleeping.
Dr
Strauss says its ok. He says my brains are lerning when I sleep and that will
help me when Miss Kinnian starts my lessons in the hospitil (only I found out it
isnt a hospitil its a labatory). I think its all crazy. If you can get smart
when your sleeping why do people go to school. That thing I dont think will
work. I use to watch the late show and the late late show on TV all the time and
it never made me smart. Maybe you have to sleep while you watch it.
PROGRESS
REPORT 9—April 3
Dr
Strauss showed me how to keep the TV turned low so now I can sleep. I dont hear
a thing. And I still dont understand what it says. A few times I play it over in
the morning to find out what I lerned when I was sleeping and I dont think so.
Miss Kinnian says Maybe its another langwidge or something. But most times it
sounds american. It talks so fast faster then even Miss Gold who was my teacher
in 6 grade and I remember she talked so fast I coudnt understand her.
I
told Dr Strauss what good is it to get smart in my sleep. I want to be smart
when Im awake. He says its the same thing and I have two minds. Theres the subconscious
and the conscious (thats how you spell it). And one dont tell the
other one what its doing. They dont even talk to each other. Thats why I dream.
And boy have I been having crazy dreams. Wow. Ever since that night TV. The late
late late late late show.
I
forgot to ask him if it was only me or if everybody had those two minds.
(I
just looked up the word in the dictionary Dr Strauss gave me. The word is subconscious.
adj. Of the nature of mental operations yet not present in consciousness; as,
subconscious conflict of desires.) Theres more but I still don’t know what
it means. This isnt a very good dictionary for dumb people like me.
Anyway
the headache is from the party. My frinds from the factery Joe Carp and Frank
Reilly invited me to go with them to Muggsys Saloon for some drinks. I dont
like to drink but they said we will have lots of fun. I had a good time.
Joe
Carp said I shoud show the girls how I mop out the toilet in the factory and he
got me a mop. I showed them and everyone laffed when I told that Mr Donnegan
said I was the best janiter he ever had because I like my job and do it good and
never come late or miss a day except for my operashun.
I
said Miss Kinnian always said Charlie be proud of your job because you do it
good.
Everybody
laffed and we had a good time and they gave me lots of drinks and Joe said
Charlie is a card when hes potted. I dont know what that means but everybody
likes me and we have fun. I cant wait to be smart like my best fends Joe Carp
and Frank Reilly.
I
dont remember how the party was over but I think I went out to buy a newspaper
and coffe for Joe and Frank and when I came back there was no one their. I
looked for them all over till late. Then I dont remember so good but I think I
got sleepy or sick. A nice cop brot me back home. Thats what my landlady Mrs
Flynn says.
But
I got a headache and a big lump on my head and black and blue all over. I think
maybe I fell but Joe Carp says it was the cop they beat up drunks some times. I
don’t think so. Miss Kinnian says cops are to help people. Anyway I got a bad
headache and Im sick and hurt all over. I dont think Ill drink anymore.
April
6—I beat Algernon! I dint
even know I beat him until Burt the tester told me. Then the second time I lost
because I got so exited I fell off the chair before I finished. But after that I
beat him 8 more times. I must be getting smart to beat a smart mouse like
Algernon. But I dont feel smarter.
I
wanted to race Algernon some more but Burt said thats enough for one day. They
let me hold him for a minit. lies not so bad. Hes soft like a ball of cotton. He
blinks and when he opens his eyes their black and pink on the eges.
I
said can I feed him because I felt bad to beat him and I wanted to be nice and
make fends. Burt said no Algernon is a very specshul mouse with an operashun
like mine, and he was the first of all the animals to stay smart so long. He
told me Algernon is so smart that every day he has to solve a test to get his
food. Its a thing like a lock on a door that changes every time Algernon goes in
to eat so he has to 1cm something new to get his food. That made me sad because
if he coudnt lern he woud be hungry.
I
dont think its right to make you pass a test to eat. How woud Dr Nemur like it
to have to pass a test every time he wants to eat. I think Ill be fends with
Algernon.
April
9—Tonight after work Miss
Kinnian was at the laboratory. She looked like she was glad to see me but
scared. I told her dont worry Miss Kinnian Tm not smart yet and she laffed. She
said I have confidence in you Charlie the way you struggled so hard to read and
right better than all the others. At werst you will have it for a littel wile
and your doing somthing for sience.
We
are reading a very hard book. I never read such a hard book before. Its called
Robinson Crusoe about a man who gets merooned on a dessert iland. Hes
smart and figers out all kinds of things so he can have a house and food and hes
a good swimmer. Only I feel sorry because hes all alone and has no frends. But
I think their must be somebody else on the iland because theres a picture with
his funny umbrella looking at footprints. I hope he gets a fend and not be lonly.
April
10—Miss Kinnian teaches me
to spell better. She says look at a word and close your eyes and say it over and
over until you remember. I have lots of truble with through that you say threw
and enough and tough that you dont say enew and tew.
You got to say enuff and tuff. Thats how I use to write it
before I started to get smart. Im confused but Miss Kinnian says theres no
reason in spelling.
PROGRESS
REPORT 9—April 3
Apr
.14—Finished Robinson Crusoe. I want to find out more about what
happens to him but Miss Kinnian says thats all there is. Why?
Apr
15—Miss Kinnian says Im
lerning fast. She read some of the Progress Reports and she looked at me kind
of funny. She says Tm a fine person and Ill show them all. I asked her why. She
said never mind but I shoudnt feel bad if I find out that everybody isnt nice
like I think. She said for a person who god gave so little to you done more then
a lot of people with brains they never even used. I said all my fends are smart
people but there good. They like me and they never did anything that wasnt nice.
Then she got something in her eye and she had to run out to the ladys room.
Apr
16—Today, I lerned, the comma,
this is a comma (,) a period, with a tail, Miss Kinnian, says its importent,
because, it makes writing, better, she said, sombeody, could lose, a lot of
money, if a comma, isnt, in the, right place, I dont have, any money, and I dont
see, how a comma, keeps you, from losing it,
But
she says, everybody, uses commas, so Ill use, them too,
Apr
17—I used the comma wrong.
Its punctuation. Miss Kinnian told me to look up long words in the dictionary to
lern to spell them. I said whats the difference if you can read it anyway. She
said its part of your education so now on Ill look up all the words Tm not sure
how to spell. It takes a long time to write that way but I think Im remembering.
I only have to look up once and after that I get it right. Anyway thats how come
I got the word punctuation right. (Its that way in the dictionary).
Miss Kinnian says a period is punctuation too, and there are lots of other marks
to lern. I told her I thot all the periods had to have tails but she said no.
You
got to mix them up, she showed? me” how. to mix! them( up,. and now; I can!
mix up all kinds” of punctuation, in! my writing? There, are lots! of rules?
to lern; but Im gettin’g them in my head.
One
thing I? like about, Dear Miss Kinnian: (thats the way it goes in a business
letter if I ever go into business) is she, always gives me’ a reason”
when—I ask. She’s a gen’ius! I wish! I cou’d be smart” like, her;
(Punctuation,
is; fun!)
April
18—What a dope I am! I
didn’t even understand what she was talking about. I read the grammar book
last night and it explanes the whole thing. Then I saw it was the same way as
Miss Kinnian was trying to tell me, but I didn’t get it. I got up in the
middle of the night, and the whole thing straightened out in my mind.
Miss
Kinnian said that the TV working in my sleep helped out. She said I reached a
plateau. Thats like the flat top of a bill.
After
I figgered out how punctuation worked, I read over all my old Progress Reports
from the beginning. Boy, did I have crazy spelling and punctuation! I
told Miss Kinnian I ought to go over the pages and fix all the mistakes but she
said, “No, Charlie, Dr. Nemur wants them just as they are. That’s why he let
you keep them after they were photostated, to see your own progress. You’re
coming along fast, Charlie.”
That
made me feel good. After the lesson I went down and played with Algernon. We
don’t race any more.
April
20—I feel sick inside. Not
sick like for a doctor, but inside my chest it feels empty like getting punched
and a heartburn at the same time.
I
wasn’t going to write about it, but I guess I got to, because it’s important.
Today was the first time I ever stayed home from work.
Last
night Joe Carp and Frank Reilly invited me to a party. There were lots of girls
and some men from the factory. I remembered how sick I got last time I drank too
much, so I told Joe I didn’t want anything to drink. He gave me a plain Coke
instead. It tasted funny, but I thought it was just a bad taste in my mouth.
We
had a lot of fun for a while. Joe said I should dance with Ellen and she would
teach me the steps. I fell a few times and I couldn’t understand why because
no one else was dancing besides Ellen and me. And all the time I was tripping
because somebody’s foot was always sticking out.
Then
when I got up I saw the look on Joe’s face and it gave me a funny feeling in
my stomack. “He’s a scream,” one of the girls said. Everybody was
laughing.
Frank
said, “I ain’t laughed so much since we sent him off for the newspaper that
night at Muggsy’s and ditched him.”
“Look
at him. His face is red.”
“He’s
blushing. Charlie is blushing.”
“Hey,
Ellen, what’d you do to Charlie? I never saw him act like that before.”
I
didn’t know what to do or where to turn. Everyone was looking at me and
laughing and I felt naked. I wanted to hide myself. I ran out into the street
and I threw up. Then I walked home. It’s a funny thing I never knew that Joe
and Frank and the others liked to have me around all the time to make fun of me.
Now
I know what it means when they say “to pull a Charlie Gordon.”
I’m
ashamed.
PROGRESS
REPORT 11
April
21—Still didn’t go into the factory. I told Mrs. Flynn my landlady to
call and tell Mr. Donnegan I was sick. Mrs. Flynn looks at me very funny lately
like she’s scared of me.
I
think it’s a good thing about finding out how everybody laughs at me. I
thought about it a lot. It’s because I’m so dumb and I don’t even know
when I’m doing something dumb. People think it’s funny when a dumb person
can’t do things the same way they can.
Anyway,
now I know I’m getting smarter every day. I know punctuation and I can spell
good. I like to look up all the hard words in the dictionary and I remember
them. I’m reading a lot now, and Miss Kin-than says I read very fast.
Sometimes I even understand what I’m reading about, and it stays in my mind.
There are times when I can close my eyes and think of a page and it all comes
back like a picture.
Besides
history, geography, and arithmetic, Miss Kinnian said I should start to learn a
few foreign languages. Dr. Strauss gave me some more tapes to play while I
sleep. I still don’t understand how that conscious and unconscious mind
works, but Dr. Strauss says not to worry yet. He asked me to promise that when I
start learning college subjects next week I wouldn’t read any books on
psychology—that is, until he gives me permission.
I
feel a lot better today, but I guess I’m still a little angry that all the
time people were laughing and making fun of me because I wasn’t so smart. When
I become intelligent like Dr. Strauss says, with three times my 1.0. of 68, then
maybe I’ll be like everyone else and people will like me and be friendly.
I’m
not sure what an I.Q. is. Dr. Nemur said it was something that measured how
intelligent you were—like a scale in the drugstore weighs pounds. But Dr.
Strauss had a big argument with him and said an I.Q. didn’t weigh intelligence
at all. He said an I.Q. showed how much intelligence you could get, like the
numbers on the outside of a measuring cup. You still had to fill the cup up with
stuff.
Then
when I asked Burt, who gives me my intelligence tests and works with Algernon,
he said that both of them were wrong (only I had to promise not to tell them he
said so). Burt says that the I.Q. measures a lot of different things including
some of the things you learned already, and it really isn’t any good at all.
So
I still don’t know what 1.0. is except that mine is going to be over 200 soon.
I didn’t want to say anything, but I don’t see how if they don’t know what
it is, or where it is—I don’t see how they know how much of
it you’ve got.
Dr.
Nemur says I have to take a Rorshach Test tomorrow. I wonder what that
is.
April
22—I found out what a Rorshach
is. It’s the test I took before the operation—the one with the inkblots
on the pieces of cardboard. The man who gave me the test was the same one.
I
was scared to death of those inkblots. I knew he was going to ask me to find the
pictures and I knew I wouldn’t be able to. I was thinking to myself, if only
there was some way of knowing what kind of pictures were hidden there. Maybe
there weren’t any pictures at all. Maybe it was just a trick to see if I was
dumb enough to look for something that wasn’t there. Just thinking about that
made me sore at him.
“All
right, Charlie,” he said, “you’ve seen these cards before remember?”
“Of
course I remember.”
The
way I said it, he knew I was angry, and he looked surprised. “Yes, of course.
Now I want you to look at this one. What might this be? What do you see on this
card? People see all sorts of things in these inkblots. Tell me what it might be
for you—what it makes you think of.”
I
was shocked. That wasn’t what I had expected him to say at all. “You mean
there are no pictures hidden in those inkblots?”
He
frowned and took off his glasses. “What?”
“Pictures.
Hidden in the inkblots. Last time you told me that everyone could see them and
you wanted me to find them too.”
He
explained to me that the last time he had used almost the exact same words he
was using now. I didn’t believe it, and I still have the suspicion that he
misled me at the time just for the fun of it. Unless—I don’t know any
more—could I have been that feebleminded?
We
went through the cards slowly. One of them looked like a pair of bats tugging at
something. Another one looked like two men fencing with swords. I imagined all
sorts of things. I guess I got carried away. But I didn’t trust him any more,
and I kept turning them around and even looking on the back to see if there was
anything there I was supposed to catch. While he was making his notes, I
peeked out of the corner of my eye to read it. But it was all in code that
looked like this:
WF+A
DdF-Ad orig. WF-A SF+obj
The
test still doesn’t make sense to me. It seems to me that anyone could make up
lies about things that they didn’t really see. How could be know I wasn’t
making a fool of him by mentioning things that I didn’t really imagine? Maybe
I’ll understand it when Dr. Strauss lets me read up on psychology.
April
25—I figured out a new way
to line up the machines in the factory, and Mr. Donnegan says it will save him
ten thousand dollars a year in labor and increased production. He gave me a
twenty-five-dollar bonus.
I
wanted to take Joe Carp and Frank Reilly out to lunch to celebrate, but Joe said
he had to buy some things for his wife, and Frank said he was meeting his cousin
for lunch. I guess it’ll take a little time for them to get used to the
changes in me. Everybody seems to be frightened of me. When I went over to Amos
Borg and tapped him on the shoulder, he jumped up in the air.
People
don’t talk to me much any more or kid around the way they used to. It makes
the job kind of lonely.
April
27—I got up the nerve
today to ask Miss Kinnian to have dinner with me tomorrow night to celebrate my
bonus.
At
first she wasn’t sure it was right, but I asked Dr. Strauss and he said it was
okay. Dr. Strauss and Dr. Nemur don’t seem to be getting along so well.
They’re arguing all the time. This evening when I came in to ask Dr. Strauss
about having dinner with Miss Kinnian, I heard them shouting. Dr. Nemur was
saying that it was his experiment and his research, and Dr.
Strauss was shouting back that he contributed just as much, because he found me
through Miss Kinnian and he performed the operation. Dr. Strauss said that
someday thousands of neurosurgeons might be using his technique all over the
world.
Dr.
Nemur wanted to publish the results of the experiment at the end of this month.
Dr. Strauss wanted to wait a while longer to be sure. Dr. Strauss said that Dr.
Nemur was more interested in the Chair of psychology at Princeton than he was
in the experiment. Dr. Nemur said that Dr. Strauss was nothing but an
opportunist who was trying to ride to glory on his coattails.
When
I left afterwards, I found myself trembling. I don’t know why for sure, but it
was as if I’d seen both men clearly for the first time. I remember hearing
Burt say that Dr. Nemur had a shrew of a wife who was pushing him all the time
to get things published so that he could became famous. Burt said that the dream
of her life was to have a big-shot husband.
Was
Dr. Strauss really trying to ride on his coattails?
April
28—I don’t understand
why I never noticed how beautiful Miss Kinnian really is. She has brown eyes and
feathery brown hair that comes to the top of her neck. She’s only thirty-four!
I think from the beginning I had the feeling that she was an unreachable
genius—and very, very old. Now, every time I see her she grows younger and
more lovely.
We
had dinner and a long talk. When she said that I was coming along so fast that
soon I’d be leaving her behind, I laughed.
“It’s
true, Charlie. You’re already a better reader than I am. You can read a whole
page at a glance while I can take in only a few lines at a time. And you
remember every single thing you read. I’m lucky if I can recall the main
thoughts and the general meaning.”
“I
don’t feel intelligent. There are so many things I don’t understand.”
She
took out a cigarette and I lit it for her. “You’ve got to be a little patient.
You’re accomplishing in days and weeks what it takes normal people to do in
half a lifetime. That’s what makes it so amazing. You’re like a giant sponge
now, soaking things in. Facts, figures, general knowledge. And soon you’ll
begin to connect them, too. You’ll see how the different branches of learning
are related. There are many levels, Charlie, like steps on a giant ladder that
take you up higher and higher to see more and more of the world around you.
“I
can see only a little bit of that, Charlie, and I won’t go much higher than I
am now, but you’ll keep climbing up and up, and see more and more, and each
step will open new worlds that you never even knew existed.” She frowned. “I
hope. . . I just hope to God—”
“What?”
“Never
mind, Charles. I just hope I wasn’t wrong to advise you to go into this in the
first place.”
I
laughed. “How could that be? It worked, didn’t it? Even Algernon is still
smart.”
We
sat there silently for a while and I knew what she was thinking about as she
watched me toying with the chain of my rabbit’s foot and my keys. I didn’t
want to think of that possibility any more than elderly people want to think of
death. I knew that this was only the beginning. I knew what she meant
about levels because I’d seen some of them already. The thought of leaving
her behind made me sad.
I’m
in love with Miss Kinnian.
PROGRESS
REPORT 12
April
30—I’ve quit my job with Donnegan’s Plastic Box Company. Mr. Donnegan
insisted that it would be better for all concerned if I left.
What
did I do to make them hate me so?
The
first I knew of it was when Mr. Donnegan showed me the petition. Eight hundred
and forty names, everyone connected with the factory, except Fanny Girden.
Scanning the list quickly, I saw at once that hers was the only missing name.
All the rest demanded that I be fired.
Joe
Carp and Frank Reilly wouldn’t talk to me about it. No one else would either,
except Fanny. She was one of the few people I’d known who set her mind to
something and believed it no matter what the rest of the world proved, said, or
did—and Fanny did not believe that I should have been fired. She had been
against the petition on principle and despite the pressure and threats she’d
held out.
“Which
don’t mean to say,” she remarked, “that I don’t think there’s
something mighty strange about you, Charlie. Them changes. I don’t know. You
used to be a good, dependable, ordinary man—not too bright maybe, but honest.
Who knows what you done to yourself to get so smart all of a sudden. Like
everybody around here’s been saying, Charlie, it’s not right.”
“But
how can you say that, Fanny? What’s wrong with a man becoming intelligent
and wanting to acquire knowledge and understanding of the world around him?”
She
stared down at her work and I turned to leave. Without looking at me, she said:
“It was evil when Eve listened to the snake and ate from the tree of
knowledge. It was evil when she saw that she was naked. If not for that none of
us would ever have to grow old and sick, and die.”
Once
again now I have the feeling of shame burning inside me. This intelligence has
driven a wedge between me and all the people I once knew and loved. Before, they
laughed at me and despised me for my ignorance and dullness; now, they hate me
for my knowledge and understanding. What in God’s name do they want of me?
They’ve
driven me out of the factory. Now I’m more alone than ever before.
May
15—Dr. Strauss is very
angry at me for not having written any progress reports in two weeks. He’s
justified because the lab is now paying me a regular salary. I told him I was
too busy thinking and reading. When I pointed out that writing was such a slow
process that it made me impatient with my poor handwriting, he suggested that I
learn to type. It’s much easier to write now because I can type nearly
seventy-five words a minute. Dr. Strauss continually reminds me of the need to
speak and write simply so that people will be able to understand me.
I’ll
try to review all the things that happened to me during the last two weeks.
Algernon and I were presented to the American Psychological Association
sitting in convention with the World Psychological Association last Tuesday. We
created quite a sensation. Dr. Nemur and Dr. Strauss were proud of us.
I
suspect that Dr. Nemur, who is sixty—ten years older than Dr. Strauss—finds
it necessary to see tangible results of his work. Undoubtedly the result of
pressure by Mrs. Nemur.
Contrary
to my earlier impressions of him, I realize that Dr. Nemur is not at all a
genius. He has a very good mind, but it struggles under the spectre of
self-doubt. He wants people to take him for a genius. Therefore, it is important
for him to feel that his work is accepted by the world. I believe that Dr. Nemur
was afraid of further delay because he worried that someone else might make a
discovery along these lines and take the credit from him.
Dr.
Strauss on the other hand might be called a genius, although I feel that his
areas of knowledge are too limited. He was educated in the tradition of narrow
specialization; the broader aspects of background were neglected far more than
necessary—even for a neurosurgeon.
I
was shocked to learn that the only ancient languages he could read were Latin,
Greek, and Hebrew, and that he knows almost nothing of mathematics beyond the
elementary levels of the calculus of variations. When he admitted this to me, I
found myself almost annoyed. It was as if he’d hidden this part of himself in
order to deceive me, pretending— as do many people I’ve discovered—to be
what he is not. No one I’ve ever known is what he appears to be on the
surface.
Dr.
Nemur appears to be uncomfortable around me. Sometimes when I try to talk to
him, he just looks at me strangely and turns away. I was angry at first when Dr.
Strauss told me I was giving Dr. Nemur an inferiority complex. I thought he
was mocking me and I’m oversensitive at being made fun of.
How
was I to know that a highly respected psychoexperimentalist like Nemur was
unacquainted with Hindustani and Chinese? It’s absurd when you consider the
work that is being done in India and China today in the very field of this
study.
I
asked Dr. Strauss how Nemur could refute Rahajamati’s attack on his method and
results if Nemur couldn’t even read them in the first place. That strange look
on Dr. Strauss’ face can mean only one of two things. Either he doesn’t want
to tell Nemur what they’re saying in India, or else—and this worries
me—Dr. Strauss doesn’t know either. I must be careful to speak and write
clearly and simply so that people won’t laugh.
May
18—I am very disturbed. I
saw Miss Kinnian last night for the first time in over a week. I tried to avoid
all discussions of intellectual concepts and to keep the conversation on a
simple, everyday level, but she just stared at me blankly and asked me what I
meant about the mathematical variance equivalent in Dorbermann’s Fifth
Concerto.
When
I tried to explain she stopped me and laughed. I guess I got angry, but I
suspect I’m approaching her on the wrong level. No matter what I try to
discuss with her, I am unable to communicate. I must review Vrostadt’s
equations on Levels of Semantic Progression. I find that I don’t
communicate with people much any more. Thank God for books and music and things
I can think about. I am alone in my apartment at Mrs. Flynn’s boardinghouse
most of the time and seldom speak to anyone.
May
20—I would not have
noticed the new dishwasher, a boy of about sixteen, at the corner diner where I
take my evening meals if not for the incident of the broken dishes.
They
crashed to the floor, shattering and sending bits of white china under the
tables. The boy stood there1 dazed and frightened, holding the empty
tray in his hand. The whistles and catcalls from the customers (the cries of
“hey, there go the profits!”... “Mazeltov!” ... and
“well, he didn’t work here very long ... “ which invariably seems
to follow the breaking of glass or dishware in a public restaurant) all seemed
to confuse him.
When
the owner came to see what the excitement was about, the boy cowered as if he
expected to be struck and threw up his arms as if to ward off the blow.
“All
right! All right, you dope,” shouted the owner, “don’t just stand there!
Get the broom and sweep that mess up. A broom ... a broom, you idiot! It’s in
the kitchen. Sweep up all the pieces.”
The
boy saw that he was not going to be punished. His frightened expression
disappeared and he smiled and hummed as he came back with the broom to sweep the
floor. A few of the rowdier customers kept up the remarks, amusing themselves at
his expense.
“Here,
sonny, over here there’s a nice piece behind you ... ”
“C’mon,
do it again ... ”
“He’s
not so dumb. It’s easier to break ‘em than to wash ‘em ... ”
As
his vacant eyes moved across the crowd of amused onlookers, he slowly mirrored
their smiles and finally broke into an uncertain grin at the joke which he
obviously did not understand.
I
felt sick inside as I looked at his dull, vacuous smile, the wide, bright eyes
of a child, uncertain but eager to please. They were laughing at him because
he was mentally retarded.
And
I had been laughing at him too.
Suddenly,
I was furious at myself and all those who were smirking at him. I jumped up and
shouted, “Shut up! Leave him alone! It’s not his fault he can’t
understand! He can’t help what he is! But for God’s sake he’s still a
human being!”
The
room grew silent. I cursed myself for losing control and creating a scene. I
tried not to look at the boy as I paid my check and walked out without touching
my food. I felt ashamed for both of us.
How
strange it is that people of honest feelings and sensibility, who would not take
advantage of a man born without arms or legs or eyes— how such people think
nothing of abusing a man born with low intelligence. It infuriated me to think
that not too long ago I, like this boy, had foolishly played the clown.
And
I had almost forgotten.
I’d
hidden the picture of the old Charlie Gordon from myself because now that I was
intelligent it was something that had to be pushed out of my mind. But today in
looking at that boy, for the first time I saw what I had been. I was just
like him! ”
Only
a short time ago, I learned that people laughed at me. Now I can see that
unknowingly I joined with them in laughing at myself. That hurts most of all.
I
have often reread my progress reports and seen the illiteracy, the childish naïveté,
the mind of low intelligence peering from a dark room, through the keyhole, at
the dazzling light outside. I see that even in my dullness I knew that I was
inferioi, and that other people had something I lacked—something denied me.
In my mental blindness, I thought that it was somehow connected with the ability
to read and write, and I was sure that if I could get those skills I would
automatically have intelligence too.
Even
a feeble-minded man wants to be like other men.
A
child may not know how to feed itself, or what to eat, yet it knows of hunger.
This
then is what I was like, I never knew. Even with my gift of intellectual
awareness, I never really knew.
This
day was good for me. Seeing the past more clearly, I have decided to use my
knowledge and skills to work in the field of increasing human intelligence
levels. Who is better equipped for this work? Who else has lived in both worlds?
These are my people. Let me use my gift to do something for them.
Tomorrow,
I will discuss with Dr. Strauss the manner in which I can work in this area. I
may be able to help him work out the problems of widespread use of the technique
which was used on me. I have several good ideas of my own.
There
is so much that might be done with this technique. If I could be made into a
genius, what about thousands of others like myself? What fantastic levels might
be achieved by using this technique on normal people? On geniuses?
There
are so many doors to open. I am impatient to begin.
PROGRESS
REPORT 13
May
23—It happened today. Algernon bit me. I visited the lab to see him as I
do occasionally, and when I took him out of his cage, he snapped at my hand. I
put him back and watched him for a while. He was unusually disturbed and
vicious.
May
24—Burt, who is in charge
of the experimental animals, tells me that Algernon is changing. He is less
co-operative; he refuses to run the maze any more; general motivation has
decreased. And he hasn’t been eating. Everyone is upset about what this may
mean.
May
25—They’ve been feeding
Algernon, who now refuses to work the shifting-lock problem. Everyone identifies
me with Algernon. In a way we’re both the first of our kind. They’re all
pretending that Algernon’s behavior is not necessarily significant for me. But
it’s hard to hide the fact that some of the other animals who were used in
this experiment are showing strange behavior.
Dr.
Strauss and Dr. Nemur have asked me not to come to the lab any more. I know what
they’re thinking but I can’t accept it. I am going ahead with my plans to
carry their research forward. With all due respect to both of these fine
scientists, I am well aware of their limitations. If there is an answer,
I’ll have to find it out for myself. Suddenly, time has become very important
to me.
May
29—I have been given a lab
of my own and permission to go ahead with the research. I’m on to something.
Working day and night. I’ve had a cot moved into the lab. Most of my writing
time is spent on the notes which I keep in a separate folder, but from time to
time I feel it necessary to put down my moods and my thoughts out of sheer
habit.
I
find the calculus of intelligence to be a fascinating study. Here is the
place for the application of all the knowledge I have acquired. In a sense
it’s the problem I’ve been concerned with all my life.
May
31—Dr. Strauss thinks
I’m working too hard. Dr. Nemur says I’m trying to cram a lifetime of
research and thought into a few weeks. I know I should rest, but I’m driven on
by something inside that won’t let me stop. I’ve got to find the reason for
the sharp regression in Algernon. I’ve got to know if and when it
will happen to me.
June
4
LETTER
TO DR. STRAUSS (copy)
Dear
Dr. Strauss:
Under
separate cover I am sending you a copy of my report entitled, “The
Algernon-Gordon Effect: A Study of Structure and Function of Increased
Intelligence,” which I would like to have you read and have published.
As
you see, my experiments are completed. I have included in my report all of my
formulae, as well as mathematical analysis in the appendix. Of course, these
should be verified.
Because
of its importance to both you and Dr. Nemur (and need I say to myself, too?) I
have checked and rechecked my results a dozen times in the hope of finding an
error. I am sorry to say the results must stand. Yet for the sake of science, I
am grateful for the little bit that I here add to the knowledge of the function
of the human mind and of the laws governing the artificial increase of human
intelligence.
I
recall your once saying to me that an experimental failure or the disproving
of a theory was as important to the advancement of learning as a success
would be. I know now that this is true. I am sorry, however, that my own
contribution to the field must rest upon the ashes of the work of two men I
regard so highly.
Yours
truly,
Charles
Gordon
encL:
rept.
June
5—I must not become
emotional. The facts and the results of my experiments are clear, and the more
sensational aspects of my own rapid climb cannot obscure the fact that the
tripling of intelligence by the surgical technique developed by Drs. Strauss and
Nemur must be viewed as having little or no practical applicability (at the
present time) to the increase of human intelligence.
As
I review the records and data on Algernon, I see that although he is still in
his physical infancy, he has regressed mentally. Motor activity is impaired;
there is a general reduction of glandular activity; there is an accelerated loss
of co-ordination.
There
are also strong indications of progressive amnesia.
As
will be seen by my report, these and other physical and mental deterioration
syndromes can be predicted with statistically significant results by the
application of my formula.
The
surgical stimulus to which we were both subjected has resulted in an
intensification and acceleration of all mental processes. The unforeseen
development, which I have taken the liberty of calling the Algernon-Gordon
Effect, is the logical extension of the entire intelligence speed-up. The
hypothesis here proven may be described simply in the following terms:
Artificially increased intelligence deteriorates at a rate of time directly
proportional to the quantity of the increase.
I
feel that this, in itself, is an important discovery.
As
long as I am able to write, I will continue to record my thoughts in these
progress reports; it is one of my few pleasures. However, by all indications, my
own mental deterioration will be very rapid.
I
have already begun to notice signs of emotional instability and forgetfulness,
the first symptoms of the burnout.
June
10—Deterioration
progressing. I have become absentminded. Algernon died two days ago.
Dissection shows my predictions were right. His brain had decreased in weight
and there was a general smoothing out of cerebral convolutions as well as a
deepening and broadening of brain fissures.
I
guess the same thing is or will soon be happening to me. Now that it’s
definite, I don’t want it to happen.
I
put Algernon’s body in a cheese box and buried him in the back yard. I cried.
June
15—Dr. Strauss came to see
me again. I wouldn’t open the door and I told him to go away. I want to be
left to myself. I have become touchy and irritable. I feel the darkness closing
in. It’s hard to throw off thoughts of suicide. I keep telling myself how
important this introspective journal will be.
It’s
a strange sensation to pick up a book that you’ve read and enjoyed just a
few months ago and discover that you don’t remember it. I remembered how great
I thought John Milton was, but when I picked up Paradise Lost I
couldn’t understand it at all. I got so angry I threw the book across the
room.
I’ve
got to try to hold on to some of it. Some of the things I’ve learned. Oh, God,
please don’t take it all away.
June
19—Sometimes, at night, I
go out for a walk. Last night I couldn’t remember where I lived. A policeman
took me home. I have the strange feeling that this has all happened to me
before—a long time ago. I keep telling myself I’m the only person in the
world who can describe what’s happening to me.
June
21—Why can’t I remember?
I’ve got to fight. I lie in bed for days and I don’t know who or where I am.
Then it all comes back to me in a flash. Fugues of amnesia. Symptoms of
senility—second childhood. I can watch them coming on. It’s so cruelly
logical. I learned so much and so fast. Now my mind is deteriorating rapidly. I
won’t let it happen. I’ll fight it. I can’t help thinking of the boy in
the restaurant, the blank expression, the silly smile, the people laughing at
him. No—please—not that again.
June
22—I’m forgetting things
that I learned recently. It seems to be following the classic pattern—the last
things learned are the first things forgotten. Or is that the pattern? I’d
better look it up again.
I
reread my paper on the Algernon-Gordon Effect and I get the strange
feeling that it was written by someone else. There are parts I don’t even
understand.
Motor
activity impaired. I keep tripping over things, and it becomes increasingly
difficult to type.
June
23—I’ve given up using
the typewriter completely. My co-ordination is bad. I feel that I’m moving
slower and slower. Had a terrible shock today. I picked up a copy of an article
I used in my research, Krueger’s Uber psychische Ganzheit, to see if it
would help me understand what I had done. First I thought there was something
wrong with my eyes. Then I realized I could no longer read German. I tested myself
in other languages. All gone.
June
30—A week since I dared to
write again. It’s slipping away like sand through my fingers. Most of the
books I have are too hard for me now. I get angry with them because I know that
I read and understood them just a few weeks ago.
I
keep telling myself I must keep writing these reports so that somebody will
know what is happening to me. But it gets harder to form the words and remember
spellings. I have to look up even simple words in the dictionary now and it
makes me impatient with myself.
Dr.
Strauss comes around almost every day, but I told him I wouldn’t see or speak
to anybody. He feels guilty. They all do. But I don’t blame anyone. I knew
what might happen. But how it hurts.
July
7—I don’t know where the
week went. Todays Sunday I know because I can see through my window people
going to church. I think I stayed in bed all week but I remember Mrs. Flynn
bringing food to me a few times. I keep saying over and over lye got to do
something but then I forget or maybe its just easier not to do what I say Im
going to do.
I
think of my mother and father a lot these days. I found a picture of them with
me taken at a beach. My father has a big ball under his arm and my mother is
holding me by the hand. I dont remember them the way they are in the picture.
All I remember is my father drunk most of the time and arguing with mom about
money.
He
never shaved much and he used to scratch my face when he hugged me. My mother
said he died but Cousin Miltie said he heard his mom and dad say that my father
ran away with another woman. When I asked my mother she slapped my face and said
my father was dead. I dont think I ever found out which was true but I don’t
care much. (He said he was going to take me to see cows on a farm once but he
never did. He never kept his promises. . .)
July
10—My landlady Mrs Flynn
is very worried about me. She says the way I lay around all day and dont do
anything I remind her of her son before she threw him out of the house. She said
she doesnt like loafers. If Im sick its one thing, but if Im a loafer thats
another thing and she wont have it. I told her I think flu sick.
I
try to read a little bit every day, mostly stories, but sometimes I have to read
the same thing over and over again because I dont know what it means. And its
hard to write. I know I should look up all the words in the dictionary but its
so hard and Im so tired all the time.
Then
I got the idea that I would only use the easy words instead of the long hard
ones. That saves time. I put flowers on Algernons grave about once a week. Mrs
Flynn thinks Im crazy to put flowers on a mouses grave but I told her that
Algernon was special.
July
14—Its sunday again. I
dont have anything to do to keep me busy now because my television set is broke
and I dont have any money to get it fixed. (I think I lost this months check
from the lab. I dont remember)
I
get awful headaches and asperin doesnt help me much. Mrs Flynn knows Tm really
sick and she feels very sorry for me. Shes a wonderful woman whenever someone is
sick.
July
22—Mrs Flynn called a
strange doctor to see me. She was afraid I was going to die. I told the doctor I
wasnt too sick and that I only forget sometimes. He asked me did I have any
friends or relatives and I said no I dont have any. I told him I had a friend
called Algernon once but he was a mouse and we used to run races together. He
looked at me kind of funny like he thought I was crazy.
He
smiled when I told him I used to be a genius. He talked to me like I was a baby
and he winked at Mrs Flynn. I got mad and chased him out because he was making
fun of me the way they all used to.
July
24—I have no more money
and Mrs Flynn says I got to go to work somewhere and pay the rent because I
havent paid for over two months. I dont know any work but the job I used to have
at Donnegans Plastic Box Company. I dont want to go back there because they all
knew me when I was smart and maybe they'll laugh at me. But I dont know what
else to do to get money.
July
25—I was looking at some
of my old progress reports and its very funny but I cant read what I wrote. I
can make out some of the words but they dont make sense.
Miss
Kinnian came to the door but I said go away I dont want to see you. She cried
and I cried too but I wouldnt let her in because I didnt want her to laugh at
me. I told her I didn’t like her any more. I told her I didnt want to be smart
any more. Thats not true. I still love her and I still want to be smart but I
had to say that so shed go away. She gave Mrs Flynn money to pay the rent. I
dont want that. I got to get a job.
Please.
. . please let me not forget how to read and write.
July
27—Mr Donnegan was very
nice when I came back and asked him for my old job of janitor. First he was very
suspicious but I told him what happened to me then he looked very sad and put
his hand on my shoulder and said Charlie Gordon you got guts.
Everybody
looked at me when I came downstairs and started working in the toilet sweeping
it out like I used to. I told myself Charlie if they make fun of you dont get
sore because you remember their not so smart as you once thot they were. And
besides they were once your friends and if they laughed at you that doesnt mean
anything because they liked you too.
One
of the new men who came to work there after I went away made a nasty crack he
said hey Charlie I hear your a very smart fella a real quiz kid. Say something
intelligent. I felt bad but Joe Carp came over and grabbed him by the shirt and
said leave him alone you lousy cracker or Ill break your neck. I didnt expect
Joe to take my part so I guess hes really my friend.
Later
Frank Reilly came over and said Charlie if anybody bothers you or trys to take
advantage you call me or Joe and we will set em straight. I said thanks Frank
and I got choked up so I had to turn around and go into the supply room so he
wouldnt see me cry. Its good to have friends.
July28—I
did a dumb thing today I forgot I wasnt in Miss Kinnians class at the adult
center any more like I use to be. I went in and sat down in my old seat in the
back of the room and she looked at me funny and she said Charles. I dint
remember she ever called me that before only Charlie so I said hello Miss
Kinnian Im redy for my lesin today only I lost my reader that we was using. She
startid to cry and run out of the room and everybody looked at me and I saw they
wasnt the same pepul who used to be in my class.
Then
all of a suddin I rememberd some things about the operashun and me getting smart
and I said holy smoke I reely pulled a Charlie Gordon that time. I went away
before she come back to the room.
Thats
why Im going away from New York for good. I dont want to do nothing like that
agen. I dont want Miss Kinnian to feel sorry for me. Evry body feels sorry at
the factery and I dont want that eather so Im going someplace where nobody knows
that Charlie Gordon was once a genus and now he cant even reed a book or rite
good.
Im
taking a cuple of books along and even if I cant reed them Ill practise hard and
maybe I wont forget every thing I lerned. If I try reel hard maybe Ill be a
littel bit smarter than I was before the operashun. I got my rabits foot and my
luky penny and maybe they will help me.
If
you ever reed this Miss Kinnian dont be sorry for me Im glad I got a second
chanse to be smart becaus I lerned a lot of things that I never even new were in
this world and Im grateful that I saw it all for a littel bit. I dont know why
Im dumb agen or what I did wrong maybe its becaus I dint try hard enuff. But if
I try and practis very hard maybe Ill get a littl smarter and know what all the
words are. I remember a littel bit how nice I had a feeling with the blue book
that has the torn cover when I red it. Thats why fin gonna keep trying to get
smart so I can have that feeling agen. Its a good feeling to know things and be
smart. I wish I had it rite now if I did I would sit down and reed all the time.
Anyway I bet fin the first dumb person in the world who ever found out something
importent for sience. I remember I did somthing but I dont remember what. So I
gess its like I did it for all the dumb pepul like me.
Good-by
Miss Kinnian and Dr. Strauss. and evreybody. And P.S. please tell Dr Nemur not
to be such a grouch when pepul laff at him and he woud have more frends. Its
easy to make frends if you let pepul laff at you. Im going to have lots of
frends where I go.
P.P.S. Please if you get a chanse put some flowrs on Algernons grave in the bakyard ..